So, the Power of Love and Logic Parenting, let’s explain. Returning to graduate school as a single mother, I was anxious to keep my children “balanced and happy,” as I attended to my studies and worked a part-time job. I sat in the Love and Logic class, excited to learn from Dr. Jim Faye and his son Dr. Charles who are well known and respected as educators in family and parenting education.
Jim Faye began with a few jokes about “us” as parents and explained two easy and straightforward rules to parenting. I gasped at the thought that there were only two simple rules. My thoughts raced as I knew I was probably the only parent in the class who DIDN’T know these rules. My parents, who had lived through the depression, had raised me with old fashioned, conservative values. I had believed for all my life that I was doing what was best in parenting. As I lived and taught my children the Golden Rule.
Had I led my own children astray as I didn’t know the secret? Justification began to quiet the voices in my head as I acknowledged and repeated to myself, “I am OK.” I whispered in my mind, stay open and listen to what is being offered, change is good. Everything I had believed and attempted to model as the perfect parent would be changed from that moment forward; I settled into my seat.
The First Rule
Dr. Jim continued,
the First Rule is: Adults set firm limits in loving ways without anger, lectures, or threats.
Silence overcame the class as I began to understand that how I was communicating with my children would need to be reinvented. A brave peer asked, how were we going to speak to our children? Would we ever converse with them again? Laughter filled the tense air, and I then knew that I was NOT the only parent raising my children with the “WRONG” messages!
Whew, what a relief, others were having parenting issues too. I found myself soaking in all the master of parenting would share about his theory of parenting in an hour time frame.
The Second Rule
When a child causes a problem, the parent hands the problem back to the Child in a loving way. What? How can my children solve their own issues? Thoughts of our home on fire came to my mind. I heard my message playing in my mind, “They are not capable, and he doesn’t know my kids!”
Dr. Faye shared the reason children are not capable is often that the parent wants the CONTROL. Children must learn to make the right decisions and have self-control, which can often come with them, making mistakes.
This rule made sense to me as I knew I didn’t want my children ever to fail, and I found myself as the PARENT who would rescue them from their problems. How could they ever endure the hardships or consequences of their decisions?
Why Love and Logic Parenting Works
WOW! What a concept! If I were to allow my Child to be ACCOUNTABLE for their decisions and actions (this is what I preach to them about most often), I rarely allow them to fall, flounder, make mistakes, and less frequently I hold them accountable.
Allowing my Child the problem and not receiving it when they wanted to give it to me allowed me to solve their issues, and soon they would grow from their learning and make better decisions in the future. I could feel the sense of relief on my SUPER PARENT shoulders, and at that moment, it was as if I was floating on a pink cloud.
In closing, Love and Logic works. It is simple, and when you get out of the way, you will experience positive growth in your Child‘s ability to make sound decisions and, best of all, enjoy and keep your mind.